An introduction to my story

I have spent most of my life fearing what other people thought of me…Throughout almost my entire adolescence, I was afraid. I felt little compared to others. I felt I was never good enough to be considered just as much a person as you.

How did I get like this?

It all started in school. Back in sixth grade, at Holy Spirit. It was a school in Fairfield, CA I attended. Now if you’ve never attended a Catholic school, you may be thinking “what’s the big deal?…It’s probably just a bunch of nerdy prep kids. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. In that school I was severely made fun of and laughed at, because unlike the other kids, I was shy and had never really learned how to interact with others because of it…

A child’s mind is feeble…It can only take so much before it snaps…and well…mine I think snapped…it “caved in”.

So what took its place…well the first thing I did was “chained and shackled” the person that I was…the person I am…so what took it’s place?…an empty vessel controlled by society…I guess I figured that if they couldn’t accept me for me…since I wasn’t good enough…maybe I would have better luck being what I felt they wanted me to be.

I was an “empty” vessel…A chameleon if you will…a shapeshifter…I was everyone else, but had no personality of my own…The giant within was “chained and shackled”.

I grew up like this…At the age of 24…years after graduating high school I had amounted to nothing yet, and there seemed to be no hope in site. I had become so comfortable being like everyone else that I forgot who Brandon Chai even was.

For any of you reading this, I Guess there are two things that can come out of hearing my story…one…Yes, bullying and teasing is much more damaging to a person’s life than you think…and 2…if you’re one that has gotten bullied or teased…there is hope…

My salvation came from God!

It was the year 2005…I felt like I had nothing and I was nobody…The only girl I ever loved that I had been with for 3 years, just left me…my daughter’s mom, a hs sweetheart who later turned into my worst nightmare, was being a b!$@# and trying to hog my daughter all to herself

It was at this time, All I wanted to do was get as far away as I could from all the pain and “discover” who I really was. Thus my journey started…a journey that in a way, continues even today…

It was at this time, I took out a map of the united states, sprawled it across the bedroom floor, took a pen, closed my eyes and flipped the pen on the map. I told myself that wherever the tip of the pen points to, that I would move there…no questions asked…Yes, just like that…up and move.

The tip landed on Fort Worth, TX. Sounds good to me…Less than 6 months later, my car was packed with whatever I can carry, and I started my long journey into the unknown.

I will talk about my life in Texas in another post, I’m sure…but what I do want to tell you is that what happened over the two and a half years I was there, changed my life…

The first thing I found in Texas was an apartment, the second thing i found was a job, and the third thing I found was a place to party that reminded me of the raves back home…

I was free…and it felt good. I was free of the bonds of fearing what people thought of me…no one knew me here…I was free of having to worry about seeing my ex at a party…she was 3,000 miles away…I was free of having to be persecuted by Brandy, my daughter’s mom. I was finally free to choose my own path…whatever path I wanted to walk…and it felt GOOD.

but I couldn’t do it alone…One sunny afternoon, I walked into a church in the area and sat in one of the empty pews…No one else was around…It was just me and my lord. It was here that I found salvation…It was here that God laid down his plan for me…a plan, that would continue for years to come and would ultimately save my life…

To be continued…

but…I do want to say this…Today, I don’t care anymore what anyone else thinks of me…Brandon Chai is Brandon Chai…I will not pretend to be anyone else…I know that many people may not like me for me…hopefully some might…but it doesn’t matter…What you see is what you get. I am so proud of myself now…and I know my Father in heaven is too! That is all…Thanks.