Is society and Government Destroying Marriages?

 

This is a long awaited post. It is overdue because this has been a topic on my mind for months now, possibly even years.

Many of you may already know that our society is flawed, but Im not sure of how many of you actually realize how much.

You do not have to look far today to see that our society is “broken”. Just turn on the news and you will hear about terrorist attacks, you will hear about economic problems, and you will even get to hear heated bickering between presidential nominees. Many of whom seem all too prone to lying and exaggeration with the only real goal to get elected rather than actually make a true difference.

I can write a book on all the problems going on right now and what I feel is the true cause. Maybe some of you may already know. The very thing people are trying to push out of society is the very thing people need. I will not mention what that is here, but if you look deep within your Soul that God gave you, you just might know what that is.

Today’s topic will be about what I’d like to call the “business of divorce”.

 

Irreconciable Differences

What better way to start this chapter off than with that generic “catch all” reason upon which virtually all divorces are based today.

Most states today have implied the rule of “No Fault” divorce.

What this means is that you do not need a reason to get a divorce. In fact, as long as at least one of the persons that make up the couple want a divorce, getting one is as easy as walking into a candy store and buying candy.

In fact, here in Sacramento, CA, I can describe my recent experience of what getting a divorce is actually like. From the moment you walk into the William R. Ridgeway court house, you can feel Satan’s grip. In fact even before you get to the courthouse, you must park in the parking lot. Every time Ive ever been there, the place is packed. If one did not realize it was a court house, that person would probably think there was a live sporting event going on or some large extravegant entertainment event that attracts most of the community…but no…all of these people are actually here for court…divorce (and Family) court. After catching the elevator up to the main floor of the building from the parking lot and after you pass through metal detectors, the next thing you see is a large sign that reads “William R Ridgeway Family Courthouse – Home of the One Day Divorce”.

As if having “No Fault” Divorce isnt enough, it now seems you can even get the process expedited.

So what is Marriage

Before I go any further in helping all of us understand the concept of what divorce has become, I think its best to understand the concept of Marriage first. I am currently 34 years old. My understanding of Marriage may not be as good as someone twice my age who was around during the time when Marriage actually meant something. What I am sad about though, is that people who may be half my current age, may not even realize what Marriage was originally suppossed to be. Lets look at what Marriage was meant to be (and was originally) and what it has morphed into today.

The institution of Marriage has been around since very ancient times. Many Religions celebrate Marriage as a Sacrament.

I think almost everyone from the past would agree that Marriage was meant to be a covenant. It is a covenant similar to that of a contract, only this contract was lifelong.

(True) Christians believe that the Covenant (Contract) is made before God and that God bestows his blessing down on that couple…and that in God’s eyes, the two become one.

The Bible has a lot to say about Marriage. It also has a lot to say about divorce. In fact, it is actually really straight-forward and easy to understand. If I had to summarize (and I pray that God grant me the strength and wisdom to properly do so), this is what the Bible teaches about Marriage in a “nutshell”:

Marriage is sacred and we should treat our Spouse the way that we ourselves would want to be treated…with Respect, Dignity, Humility, Sacrifice, Love, etc.

In fact, even traditional Marriage Vows used by “non-religious” people reflect the same: “To Love and To Hold, For Richer or For Poorer, Through Sickness and in Health, Till Death do Us Part”.

Many of you have probably heard these vows. Many of you may have even recited it. If you are one of those to have recited it and are still with the same Spouse today, I applaud you. Many others have not been so fortunate.

So what does the Bible say about divorce? I know many religous (including the elect) will probably balk at the next sentence I am about to say. In fact, even my own Church might disagree with me on this…however, Im here to tell you the truth.

The truth is that basically what the Bible says about divorce is that God will not honor any divorce by man at all. There is however one exception…infedility.

In Mathew Ch. 9. Jesus said “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery…Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given”.

In Mathew Ch. 19 Jesus described the Sacrament of Marriage and how divorce relates to it by saying “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate”

So why is it that even the Church, today, allows Divorce? Jesus answered that question too when he said:

“Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19)

Hardness of (Heart) of the 21st Century

I think Jesus hit the nail right on the head with the answer to the pharissees when they asked him why Moses allowed divorce if it was so wrong. His answer: because of the hardness of their hearts, Moses allowed it, but from the beginning it was not so.

So backing up, we’ve discussed what Marriage is. Both the Religious and “non-religious” of the past intended it as a Covenant…one that is suppossed to unify two people into one forever.

I guess now we can discuss what divorce is. In the previous section we can see that Jesus described any divorce as invalid (unless one of the partners has cheated). He even went on to say that Moses only instituted it because of peoples’ hardness of hearts but from the beginning it wasnt so. This suggests to me that Jesus was impliying that God didnt even honor those so-called divorces incorportated by Moses. In fact, God doesnt seem to honor a divorce at all, unless it is on the grounds of sexual immorality.

So what is the “non-religious” take on divorce today?

Well, I think we can clearly see that displayed in our court system.

Your divorce is their financial gain

So now were getting into the climax of our article.

In the past, even the “non-religious” sector treated Marriage as something more sacred. In the past, you would need a reason (and a good one) in order to get granted a divorce by a judge.

so why the sudden change in society?

why the sudden hardening of hearts?

why is divorce as easy to get today as licorice in a candy store?

There may be numerous answers to this question. Is it because of a conservative shift of Government to a more liberal one in recent decades? That can be a major part of it…

…however, I think the main reason has to do with one of the oldest reasons in the book: money

Ever since man can remember, man has been greedy and I think the same goes today.

Now there are two sides of the coin. On the one side, you have the people (husbands or wifes) filing for divorce. The numbers are staggering. Just in the William R. Ridgeway family court house here in sacramento alone, you would think that there was a professional football game going on any day of the week you came and parked in the parking lot.

So why are the numbers so staggering? Well, I think this has to do with the liberalist issue I mentioned before. I read a good article on believe.com awhile back that summed it up best. It stated that people today look at Marriage like an entertainment event. Most people get married today to satisfy their own needs. They crave love. They crave sex. They have an empty void that they feel can be filled by getting married. They watch movies and tv shows that depict this exciting and extravagant life and love that can be had in Marriage. In fact, most women fantasize about marrying thier “prince charming” from a very young age and living the life of a princess, since almost every disney movie features some sort of fairy tale love between a prince and princess. Women may even grow up fantaszing about that “perfect man”. That alone I guess can shed some light on why there are so many divorces today (since there is no such thing as the “perfect man”). Women stuck in that fantasy would jump from one relationship to the next. If one marriage doesnt work out, they simply divorce and find one that will.

On the alternative side, many men get married because they are scared of being alone. Perhaps when women reach a certain age and still havent met “Mr. Right” they too will scramble to try to find a man to settle down with and marry (and start a family with) or vice versa.

…but you see…all this is the problem. No where in the Marriage do they make it about the other person. Its all about them. They are trying to use Marriage to satisfy their own needs. Its a take-take relationship rather than a give-take relationship.

This is the number one reason why there are so many more people filing for divorce today than 40 years ago.

…but the problem doesnt stop there…in fact, I dont even feel that its fully their fault…

its society that “programmed” them that way in the first place

Are the differences really irreconcilable?

The above sections point out why so many people today end up in divorce court, but in a perfect society, the process should stop there.

If God was the judge (which he is…just not on Earth), and a couple came before him in divorce court, I think we all know what he would say. He would do everything in his power to show them the Truth…the one they’ve been so elequently missing. They have been conditioned by society into believing a lie and he would try to help them to see the truth, reconcile their differences, and save their Marriage.

I wish that God had been my earthly judge in the William R Ridgeway courthouse.

Instead my ex wife and I were both victims of a very greedy and very vicious system.

Why is it like this? The answer is simple:

If everyone reconciled and stayed married, the courts wouldnt make money and in turn the state wouldnt make money (Also most family law attorneys would be out of jobs or forced to work for less). It is common sense to know why any person of greedy origins would want to promote divorce rather than reconciliation.

We both wanted to save our Marriage

My ex wife and I both wanted to save our Marriage. Thats right.

So you may ask yourself then…why we ended up getting a divorce

Telling you that the “system” pushed us into it may seem like a lousy and cowardly excuse, but let me tell you why it’s not (an excuse).

My ex Wife was a victim of the system…and no, Im not just talking about the court system, Im also talking about our social system. Although, she was brought up in a strong Christian family and had her Grandparents to look up to (whom had been married for over 50 years before they passed away), society was also ripping her in the opposite direction. I believe that she had that image of a fairy tale man who would sweep her off her feet, love her for the rest of her life, and never make a mistake.

(Looks down ashamed) Although I tried to be that man, I could not live up to that expectation. I’d like to think I tried to sweep her off her feet with my romanticism, I can definitely say I Loved her with all my heart and soul and tried to show that to her as much as I could, and Id like to wish I would have never made any mistakes, but the truth is that I am Human. I did make mistakes, sometimes I didnt show her enough attention and Love, and maybe I just wasnt as great as prince charming when it came to romancing her and sweeping her off of her feet.

In a nutshell, I wasnt exactly the man she wanted, so she filed for Legal Separation. She thought it would be best to have space, go to counseling, and solidify our Marriage. At the time, it was never her intention to completely end it.

I too wanted to save my Marriage and go to counseling with her. I know that’s what God wanted us to do.

(So why did our Marriage end?) I think we both underestimated the family law court system.

Legal Home-Wreckers

I think the title of this section says it all. I have heard of numerous mutual acquanances who have graduated law school to practice family law, only to stick around for a year or two, then quit due to their moral principals.

“I graduated law school to help people and make a difference” one said, “but only to find out the system was corrupt and immoral”.

When my ex Wife hired a family law attorney, she looked in the Christian yellow pages for one. Looking in the Christian Yellow Pages for a family law attorney is like trying to find a Catholic alter boy in the book of satan. If only she would have realized that you cannot be a family law attorney and a true Christian at the same time. I think Ive illustrated in above sections how the laws of man clearly goes against the laws of God when it comes to “family law”. Someone cannot actively participate in “no fault” divorces, one day divorces, litigation in the place of reconciliation, and other things of this nature and claim to be a True Christian at the same time. Every day you do that you break God’s commandments. In fact, like I said before, there is no way that I can think of in which you can be a family law attorney and not break God’s Laws at the same time, since the problem is currently embedded in the administrative statutes themselves and more sin is being published by the legislature each year.

So naturally, when my Wife hired her attorney who claimed to be a Christian and he began attacking me legally, (it was very clear that) his sole goal with the case was to take everything he could from me as far as property was concerned. My ex Wife and I were sort of well off financially. Together, we owned a big house that was paid for, a couple condos, and a decent sized joint savings account.

Although it was debated on whose property that really was by both sides, Everybody and I mean everybody missed the issue of real importance – Our Marriage. If my ex Wife’s attorney wasnt trying to take everything from me (and yes he was literally trying to get everything) and essetially leave my Parents and I homeless, I would have gladly just handed over to my spouse at the time whatever she wanted or needed. The only reason I was forced to fight the case to the grizzly end was because of his exceptional greed. In fact, I dont even think it was my Wife at the time who really wanted everything back. It seemed like she wanted to leave me with some stuff when she made a settlement agreement early on in the case along with the possibility of saving our Marriage, which I had accepted. It was her attorney who never honored the agreement and decided to keep litigating. Again, the almighty dollar seemed to go a long way with him. For over nine months I was forced to litigate the case against him and my Wife at the time. My poor elderly parents spent tens upon tens of thousands of dollars over the course of the case in order to try to prevent all of us from being homeless as her attorney claiming to be a Christian tried to rip everything we ever owned from under our noses.

It seems in the end though, God had enough and decided to remove the attorney from his position of authority. It seems that he had wronged another client of his from a year earlier and ended up getting his law license suspened for 6 months which forced him off the case. The charges included attempting to mislead a judge, trying to steal money from a client, and misconduct, among other things. Within weeks after he was off the case, My Ex Wife’s new attorney came in and we settled for the exact same thing her and I had agreed to settle on originanlly. However, it was now too late for us to save our Marriage as her previous attorney and the court system had already caused too much damage.

The way of greed

My Ex Wife’s family law attorney was just one of many family law attorneys out there that care more about the almighty dollar than about attempting to save what could be a wonderful Marriage (given the right counseling and Christian Teachings).

But see thats just the problem. They dont care if they are able to save the Marriage or not…therefore, they really dont even try. Instead, they divert their attention on who’s going to get the kids, what financial property should go to who, etc, while the whole time, that original petition will list “irreconciable differences” as the reason for the madness.

When did they ever try to reconcile?

Show me the last family law attorney who tried to talk his or her client into reconiling and actually trying to save the Marriage rather than trying to advise their client on how they can get away with the boathouse or the condo as well as take most of the cash in the couple’s joint bank account.

Show me the last judge that denied a divorce based on the fact that both parties wanted to “make up” but just didnt know where to start.

I read an article today in the Asscociated Press, which is the final straw that caused me to write this article which Im writing now. It was entitled “Couple seeking to undue divorce get turned down”.

The article was about a couple in New Hampshire who recently got a divorce and after they had finally gotten out of the devilish clutches of the Family Law Court system, was able to reconcile and are living as Husband and Wife again, however the family Law court in their jurisdiction refuses to undue the divorce. One of their attorney’s stated in a pleading that the test (laws of the land) is designed to balace the interests of adverse parties, not those who want to get back together”.

I also saw this reflected in my own divorce. On the day of the settlement conference, there were signs posted everywhere in that room which stated that the reason for the conference was not to reconcile. It was only to determine a divorce settlement. Again, the goal of the family court is clear: They promote divorce not reconciliation. I’m sure your local uncle sam is happy when he counts those budget dollars even if the people that paid into the system are now unable to ever see their kids again, unable to live the life they had because property and assets were ripped from them, or unable to honor Gods Commandment because their spouse was lost to the “devil’s conveyer belt” we call the family court system.

(Together,) Lets make Marriage Sacred again

I know we are far off from having a perfect society. This article does not focus on all the other terrible things happening in the World today but at the very least, it focuses on one of the problems that need our attention. I think that by being educated to the truth which this article exposes, is a good starting point at making everyone’s life just that much happier.

Now, Im not saying that every Marriage can work. Marriage takes two people and whether it can and will work is directly determined by how much effort each (partner) puts forth in doing so. Remember, Marriage is two people becoming one. If youve ever played that game where you stick both your legs in a sack and race, you know that it is not easy for two parts to operate as one. It takes work. It takes a lot of falling. and most of all, it takes sacrifice. The first step to a happy and healthy Marriage (besides placing God first in your Marriage which is the most important of all) is to understand that Marriage is not about what YOU can get out of it. Marriage means putting your Spouse before yourself.

If you hold on to the “perfect man” or “perfect woman” syndrome, you will never be able to make a Marriage work. Because other than in Disney movies, they just dont exist (In fact, even in Disney movies, you can see that a lot of them have some sort of issue they need to work on themselves). In short, people are not perfect. Dont expect them to be in your Marriage. Now it is true, that you may be more compatible with certain people, which is where “Soul Mates” come in, but it does not mean that you will have the perfect little life…the end. There will be a lot of work, a lot of disagreements, and a lot of sacrifice.

Finally, dont buy into the lies of society today. One of the major lies discussed in this article is the one told by the Family Court System. They are not there to help correct the problems with your spouse. They are not there to do the “right thing”. They are there to rip families apart and at the same time help the government budget (and their own pocketbooks). Dont be another victim.