Narcassistic Personality Disorder, Donald Trump, myself, and those I hold/held Dear

Although on the surface it seems rather harmless, NPD is one of the most dangerous threats toward people today. In fact, Narcissism is the first and worst sin ever commited in the history of creation.

Christians may have heard the story of how the devil was once one of God’s Highest Angels in Heaven. Satan had it all. God gave him everything and more. But one day pride cosumed him. Being at the right hand of God wasn’t enough. He wanted to be God. Turning many other angels to his side, he then started a war against God in Heaven. Because of this, God was forced to cast him out of heaven along with all of his Fallen angels and created a place for them in the fiery core of the Earth, that today we know of as hell. Since then, mankind has been consumed in spiritual warfare. This is becasue the devils’ greatest mission is to get God’s beloved creation, human beings, to join them in being condemned to the same fiery pit as they are.

In other words, pride was the first and greatest sin. In fact, it is the sin which all other sins come from. Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of knowledge in the Garden of Eden was another example of that. (See my previous Blog Post about original sin here).

Not covinced at just how bad the person with the disorder affects people’s lives. Well for starters, out of human nature, people tend to flock toward people with the disorder believing what those people claim to be rather than paying attention to what they truly are, which is a “posion” to themselves and everyone aroud them. Donald Trump for instance very likely suffers from Narcassistic Peronality Disorder. Although I am not a licensed psychologist, I would say that Donald Trump fits the diagnostic criteria for NPD pretty well as it is listed in the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition). This is the standard guide used today by doctors and professionals to diagnose mental disorders (You can read the symptoms in the section below).

Next, other people very close to me throughout my life have had this disorder…and…I myself, have had this disorder, which is why I’m here to warn people, talk about the dangers, and offer a possible cure. Again, I am by no means a Licensed professional, but I will tell you what I did to get rid of it.

What is Narcassistic Personality Disorder?

NPD, or Narcassistic Personality disorder is an emotional disorder which can drastically reduce the quality of life for the carrier or the people around that person. You might find it funny that I use the word “carrier” to describe the “host”, but to me, it’s effects are in fact, like a virus or plague.

The DSM-V describes the symptoms as follows:

  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
  • Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or highstatus people (or institutions).
  • Requires excessive admiration.
  • Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
  • Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
  • Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

Why is Narcassistic Personality Disorder Dangerous?

I have begun to touch on just how dangerous NPD is, but let’s delve even deeper as to the reasons.

As you can see by the symptoms laid out above, A narcassist, has a virtually “neverending” need for glory, power, and admiration. As I will be talking about in the next section, this is most likely due to the fact that in reality, their self-esteem is so deeply fractured that they “feed” off of glory. They are essentially trying to fill a void, which they dont realize will never be filled the way they are trying to fill it. I will talk about that more later.

By itself, that doesn’t seem like much of problem, however, the problem becomes more clear when you add the human element to the equation.

The narcassist has subconciously dedicated their entire life and existence to achieving this unattainable goal. Every decsision they make, every action they take, and every direction they pursue relates only to the neverending quest to obtain “more” for themselves and get praised for it. Their idea of success is to get the world to see them as successful. Only then, they feel like that gap in their self-esteem can be filled…but it never does…so they do it again, and again, and again.

Now, in the process of that virtually never-ending pursuit of “success”, how many people get hurt? The answer is many. Many people get hurt including the narcasissts themselves.

Now, you notice that lack of empathy is listed as one of the symptoms of NPD in the DSM-V. The sad truth is that Mr. or Mrs. NPD MUST get ahead in life and must be succesful even if that means stepping on the heads of others to do it.

Life and society through the eyes of a Narcassist

Out of all the sections of this article, reading this one will be the most important. You can’t truly understand a Narcassist unless you are the Narcassist, so in this section, I will do something that is very hard for me to do. I will go back in time to when I was a Narcassist and tell you how I thought. Also, as I said before, a few people extremely close to me are Narcassists themselves, so I know what it’s like and how they think.

Here goes:

First and Foremost, A Narcassist does not realize that they are a narcassist. A true narcassist does not believe that they have a problem. The only problem they feel that they have is that people dont give them the credit they deserve. A Narcassist feels like they are entitled to the world and everything in it. This is mainly because of the fact that they never got respect or fairness at some point in the past, therefore, now they feel like everyone owes it to them.

This is the main “goggles” a narcassit wears through life. From the time they wake up in the morning to the time they go to bed, they pursue ONLY what’s best for them. So does that mean that they are naturally uncaring or mean people. Well, the truth is: no. It’s the fact that they don’t even stop to consider how the other person feels or what that person had to deal with in life. The narcassist only sees it as getting what’s best for themselves and that other people owe it to them no matter what. Most of the time, it isn’t even the same people that destroyed their self esteem in the first place, rather, they simply view everybody as the culprit rather than just singling out “revenge” on the true culprit(s) (the person or persons that destroyed their self-esteem in the first place). In my case, I took out on the entire world for over 10 years what a few kids in my 6th grade class did to me long ago, and if I hadn’t been saved by God in 2005, it would have continued probably for the rest of my life. Once a narcassist, it’s extremely difficult to break the cycle.

How does one become a Narcassist?

I’ve hinted about the “why” in prevous chapters. Although, most clinical books still list the cause as “unknown”, judging from my own personal experience as well as observing the two people close to me who had/have the disorder, I have strong reason to believe that it normally originates during childhood years from “bad associations”. During pre-adolescence and adolescence, people are searching for their “identity”. It is a discovery stage. The mind is like play-doh during that stage and can be molded different ways. In other words, it is the stage in which the mind is the most susceptable.

If the wrong influence is presented at this stage, it can lead to severe personality and emotional disorders that may sometimes never be cured.

The most probable cause/contributer to NPD is that during these years, someone (or multiple people) within their microsystem (people closest to them who usually have direct influence such as parents, friends, etc), may have put them down a lot, teased them, or did things to make them feel like they weren’t good enough. On the same end of the spectrum, it’s also possible that some of these same people could have been “over-achievers” and exhibited unrealistic expectations on the child.

In my case, the above scenario is exactly what happened to me when I was teased and put down in 6th grade. I was one of the least popular kids in the class and was usually the one that everyone cracked jokes about and/or was afraid to associate with due to the risk of them being made fun of too. Most people, brush that kind of behavior off as “kids just being kids”, but the harsh reality is that the victims of these “childish” insults, many times will go through life with some type of mental disorder because of it.

In the case of the two people close to me, one of them had a very over-expectant father who always made him feel worthless and the other, although she never told me exactly what happened because it was too hard for her to talk about, told me bits and pieces which I drew my own likely conclusion from. It seems that when she was younger, her parents (or one of them) did not make her feel like she was smart enough to do anything on her own. Then in junior high, something tragic happened to her and her parents most likely didnt take her side. This (or a similar incident) led to a severe falling out between her and her family. When I met her she hadn’t spoken to her own sister in more than 16 years. So something drastic must have happened. The worst part about all this though is that today, she has NPD because of it…and although I didn’t want it to be, the NPD was stronger than our…well…Love

If you’ve wondered why I am not mentioning names or very much information about my references here, it’s because of this reason: The Narcassist is probably one of the most vengeful people you will ever meet.

…and this leads me to the most dangerous part of being or associating with a narcassist…

As I stated before, a narcassist thrives off glory, power, and admiration. But what happens when you feed a narcassist criticism instead? This is where it gets real ugly.

As I said before, a narcassist is a narcassist because in reality, their self-esteem has been severely damaged already. If you say something that damages it more, even if you’re just telling the truth or just saying something to try to help, the narcasissst will retaliate against you like “white on rice”. If this happens, run for the hills. You have just become their target. You see, as I said before, even though it wasn’t necessarily your fault for what happened to them in their childhood (in fact, maybe you didnt even know them in your childhood), a Narcassist sees everybody as the culprit from that point forward regardless. Therefore, even though it’s your first time that you gave them any type of criticism, they see you as the reason they’ve had to suffer their whole life, they see you as the problem in their world, and they will stop at nothing to “teach you a lesson” and/or “make you pay”.

I lost my house and became homeless because of the female narcassist I knew and although I never became a target of the other, I watched numerous people become his targets and he made sure to do everything in his power to get his revenge. The sad part is in my case, I was simply trying to “heal” her and in the case of the others, they were simply reacting to my friend’s inability to be mindful of their feelings and needs rather than just his own.

How do you know if someone is really a Narcassist?

Someone with NPD has two distict traits and is the basis they build their life around after their traumatic childhood experience which most likely caused them to get that way in the first place, whatever that may be:

  1. They have very strong reactions to Praise. As I said before, they thrive on hearing how great they are, how rich they are, how successful they are, how good looking they are, etc.
  2. They seem to overvalue other people’s opinions of them. This one is rarely talked about but is almost a direct correlation of the first. I will discuss it below.

If someone gives a Narcassist praise, even if it is clearly inaccurate or outlandish, the narcassist will believe it. Likewise, if someone gives the Narcassist criticsm, even if it is clearly false to others, the narcasisst will believe that as well.

In that sense, it is very easy to change a narcassist (as long as you haven’t gotten on their bad side yet). All one must do is present his or her opinion to the narcassist and no matter if that opinion is outlandish or not, the narcasisst will take it as “gospel”. For instance, when I first met the narcassist I know/knew, I suggested she change her deoderant. The next day, she had a different one. I suggested she use a certain toothbrush, and she used that too. I later realized that the bristles were too big for her after she cut her gums a couple times, but she continued using it until I suggested she stop, simply because of my original opinion about the toothbrush.

Another example was with the male narcassist I know who is/was a very close friend of mine. We once were both flirting with the same girl online. We didnt realize it at the time, but we had both been networking with the same girl on an online dating site, Yahoo Personals. Not knowing this, he set up a double date with her and her friend and brought me along to dump on her friend (yes, he beat me to the punch. I was a little slow in asking girls out back them compared to him). Anyhow, both me and the girl we had both been talking to quickly realized that we all knew eachother and the truth came out that she had been talking to both of us and wanted to know us better before choosing which one she was more interetsed in. So the double date stood and because he was the first to ask her out, he would be the first one on the date with this girl who I really liked and had been talking to for weeks and I would be the one getting the “leftovers”.

So on the day of the date, As we were pulling into the parking lot of the mall we decided to meet at, we saw both girls walking to the designated “meeting place”. All it took was for me to utter two words for my firend’s excitement in meeting them to change to that of dread. “They’re ugly” I said. Now I wasn’t even being honest because I thought the one I had been talking to was gorgeous. She looked just like her pics online if not better. I guess I uttered those words because I was not attracted to the one I’d be going on a date with, the fact I was disappointed that my friend was getting the date with a girl I myself had a crush on, or a combination of both. But once I uttered those two words, my friend no longer was even interested in meeting either one of them. He too now felt that they were both ugly simply because I said they were. It didnt register until now, but now I understand it. He actually just stayed in the car during the date because he didn’t want to associate with “ugly” girls. It would hurt his image. Anyway, the girl made her choice that day and it wasn’t my friend. Her and I were in a relationship for over 3 years after that. Things may have been significantly different had I not told my friend that I thought they were both ugly that day. Most likely, she would have been dating him (at least until he got tired of her and moved to a new girl as was his custom).

So why are Narcassists so quick to believe you when you tell them something? Well, it’s because their self-esteem revolves around what others perceive. They do not have their own perception of reality. Their reality exists only in the perception of others or what they believe is the perception of others.

Is there Hope for a Narcassist?

This leads me to the final section of this article. Reading the last section, one can almost feel sorry for the narcassist. After all, it’s not truly their fault for being the way they are. People close to them most likely made them that way by their actions and words long ago. Also, A narcassist forever lives in a world that is not their own. They exist in the minds of others and have their own mind and soul “chained and shackled” inside of themselves. The thought of ever being “not good enough” or a “mistake-maker” is too much to bear and if their true self is that way, then they would do anything to keep that “true self” from getting out. No. Instead you get the narcassist – A collection of other people’s perceptions of what’s cool and what’s not. The narcassist is an empty vessel filled only by other people’s perceptions of success.

So can a Narcassist get cured? The answer is yes, but it is extremely difficult if not next to impossible, however I am living proof that it is possible.

So how did I get cured. Well in short, I believe that only God has the power to cure a disorder the magnitude of NPD. As I said before, it is next to impossible to get cured of NPD. That’s because how can you get cured when your world is made up of what others perceive as truth? The only way to get cured of Narcassism is to stop caring about what other people think. For most of us, that sounds easy, but for a Narcassist, it means, destroying everything you thought you ever knew about yourself, the world, and other people, and building your life from scratch again.

Most people would look at my scenario and say that I went through adolescenece twice, but in reality, I only went through adolescence once, and I was 25 years old when I started. You see the first time around, my body may have been maturing but my mind did not mature.

A defining characteristic of NPD is that the body matures, but often the mind does not. A person with NPD has as much “street smarts” as a 10 year old child. This is because their mind cannot mature. After all, how can one mature mentally, when they have no mental identity themselves? A person with NPD simply mimicks the behavior of other people. Other people determine how the narcassist will think, and what the narcassist will pursue in their life. They have no ability to do this on their own, because they have their true identities “locked up”. They do not trust their true identity, nor do they even know their true identity since they locked it away long before it was ever close to finshed forming.

For me, God saved me and it took 5 years to finally break the disorder.

The first step I had to take was to move as far away from home as possible. I had to do this because it was the only way I would be able to discover my own identity. I had no idea who or what I was. What Brandon was to other people was not who Brandon truly was. I was simply a collection of the thoughts and actions of people who I wanted to be like, people who had obtained the respect and things I craved and needed. But who was I? When I was by myself in my bedroom one day, I remember listening to an Anthony Robbins cassete tape called “The Giant Within”, and the more he talked, the more I saw the picture of the “giant” I had chained and shackled within myself. It was at that point it became clear. I was not Brandon…so who was I?

I never got that image in my mind. I wanted to know who Brandon was.

I couldn’t find it at home. I was trapped in the cycle. No matter how bad I wanted to discover myself, by “default”, anytime other people were around me, I would revert to typical NPD behavior. It’s almost like my body was stuck on “auto-pilot”. Everything always cenetered around that everlasting need to feel accepted and praised, and everything I did revolved around what others would do. I was incapable of speaking up or acting out against what the people around me perceived as noteworthy. I hurt many people during that time including exs I cared about.

I decided to get as far away as possible and go to a place where I knew nobody, that way I could discover myself…my true self. So I sprawled out a map of the U.S. on my bedroom floor, closed my eyes, and flicked a pen on it. I told myself that wherever the tip of the pen pointed is where I would go. It landed on Fort Worth, TX. Within 6 months, I had my car packed full of clothes and belongings, said goodbye to my family, and stared the long trek down there.

In Texas, I began learning, through God’s teaching, the truth. I began slowly expirimenting with “being different” and slowly learned who I was and how to be myself. It took many years before I was able to go against what most people perceived as cool and acceptable. A narcassist’s biggest fear is rejection. It is very hard for a narcassist to deal with it, as I said earlier, however, slowly I began learning to just be myself, even if that opened me up to rejection. It would take many more years after that before I finally became comfortable at dealing with that rejection.

You see, the only way a narcassist can truly get cured is to face their greatest fear: rejection…and the only way they can ever get to that stage is to overcome the only trait they’ve ever known and stop caring about what anyone else around them thinks. Now you can see why it is so hard for a Narcassist to get cured.

I however hope my story inspires other Narcassists to work at getting cured. I also hope that it inspires others to understand the problem and how dangerous it can be to associate with a narcassist.